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I’m over this whole “morning a lost, and always being sad”. It’s been over two months which isn’t a long time but I’m ready to be okay. I’m ready to be as happy as I was before but it seems that even when I think I’m back to the old me I still end up thinking about Matt. And the Lost of him and the fact that we’ll never be us again, and that his parents will never see him graduate, and he’ll never drink with his cousin or friends again. And when i’m doing thinking of all the things that will never and can never happen again. I start to think that in my current situation am I doomed to be a “never again kinda girl”?

It sounds crazy or it doesn’t make sense but I want to be in love. I want to feel those butterflies. I want to bask in the happiness that a man gives. I want to feel all that I felt with Matt, but even more… So i’m open to it, I think I’m ready for it? Why hasn’t God blessed me with it, is kinda my question right now.

I wish someone would right a book for what to do when your ready for a new man, but God doesn’t present one too you. What’s crazy is that I’ve met guys, I’ve talked to guys, I ignore guys, I don’t want to be bothered with guys. I’m not comparing them to Matt though… No one will be him or replace him in my heart but if Matt isn’t around anymore that has to mean God has something different planned for my life…

I’ve just never been really good at waiting.

But maybe that’s the difference in being sad, being lonely, and just being in limbo… Just a time where nothing good is happening, but nothing bad is happening, so my feeling is indifferent. I’ve never been that before. I’m always one extreme or the other “All smiles” or “All frowns” lol

Well no point in stale facing (-_-) it until i meet the one I’ll fake it till i make.

All Smiles!

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